I’m rocking in mama’s old armchair, rememberin. My lower body is crippled, so I can’t move much. I face a beige wall and I keep the TV on for company….But when I look on back, on my life, I remember the day that I came of age. Woowee! I never laughed harder than I did in those golden days. All ten of us were bros, brahs, buds. Yup. That be us. And we were an active bunch of pre-teens too. I’d recognize any one of ‘em if their middle school ass, body and soul walked right through that door, right there, right now.
Cumming of age happened in the first summer we were on our own. It was bliss. It seemed natural. We’d fight, and we’d yell. We’d pretty much do everything to each other but fuck. None of us showered, and only half of us ever went home more than once a week. We’d ride bikes off cliffs and bloody our hands and faces and elbows and we’d never cry about it. It was the best when someone cried, but as we came to age we all cried way less.We’d make and smoke fake cigarettes from hay, and some of us would burn our noses and our lips on it and get laughed at. We’d all laugh at each other’s pain and humiliation. Our best pranks involved blood on our ripped up dickies. Everyday I spent out there my body got harder in places and everyday we tested our strength on everything around us.
Naked boxing sessions in the meadows. Us were savages! Everything but fucking. What did the good kids do over the summer? Not having the same kind of fun as us! We smiled toothless during our first detentions of the school year. Our mouths were bloodied and emptied of teeth. “They were our baby teeth mom! Come on!” We were just a couple of kiddos!
We got the latest fads. I forget what they were called. But my papa slaved away so that my mama could buy us the fads that the TV told us to want. That’s my guess what my mind thought about most of the time. Toys and little bitty trinkets first. Then they became kid weapons when we got a little older: guns that shot rubber bullets, knives that stabbed but didn’t make us bleed. We bled enough doing our own stupid games. The fads didn’t need to tell us how to make each other bleed. But we played with them and loved them anyway. Them doodies and doohickies sure did mean life and death to us then. I cried when I relived my joy through my own children. They’ve left me now. Never thought I could cry after serving in the military. Boy was I naive!
When we’d finally break our toys it wasn’t cause we were malicious. We were just some crazy kids that couldn’t be controlled by the toys. We moved too fast. Kids can never get enough.
Breakfast was a treat. And we had options. As I came I preferred to exercise my options when I pleased. But for back then, I welcomed whatever greeted me as soon as I awoke. An orange vitamin that I took every morning with my frosted milk cereal. A jar of sticky juice. My ancestors needed a fight to survive. An instinct. Where was mine when I was guaranteed survival? Ah, what your mind thinks up when you have the time. We were probably the first generation in history to take safety and love for granted. I was born to feed. Our survival instinct unheeded, it was replaced by our sex drives.
Before our first summer on our own, all of our moms would share us children with each other in one big supervised play date. These were the Boy Clubs. No girls allowed. Boys could be for each other, just like girls. My mother really gave me the confidence to be whatever I was destined to be and she never prodded. Some of the other boys were pushed closer and closer together and became best friends because their moms were friends. It made me wonder if I needed to find a best guy friend too. My mom reassured me. If I stayed myself I would find someone. The feelings are natural.
Once we were on our own, away from the moms finally for that first summer, we all agreed that the best friend idea was dumb. We were all the best friends. The best friends that moms set up became best friends with everyone else. The moms used their kids like dolls. They knew we’d ditch em soon. That didn’t matter anymore. We had what we wanted, each other. We were getting to know more of us, one another. We were trusted with more intimacy. Just friends guys. We like the same things. Our moms are friends. It’s cool, we should do it, we thought.
As we became guys we were more upfront. Some of us thought we all wanted it, when they didn’t actually want it themselves, or know what it was. Nobody really knew what it was. But some of us thought it must be urgent? Who knows what we were thinking! Our brains and bodies were busy changing, and we were just trying to keep up. Young hormone driven minds, didn’t know anything but the next pleasure. Growing up to adulthood and shipping to war sure does spoil a stress free lifestyle, huh.
My mama basically just let me be. We spoke about my friends from Boy Club so she knew all of their names. She was so encouraging. She never prodded, just made sure I was in bed by a certain time in the winter. But the sun never set in the summer and midnight felt like 8pm. Mama didn’t mind not knowing my whereabouts when it was light outside. But she did make me do some stuff once in a while. Right at the beginning of the first summer without supervision. Gotta say, if she didn’t send me to Religion Camp, I never woulda met Joey.
I met Joey at Religion camp. It was a week long summer camp and we read from the Bible and did arts and crafts. He was a super cool third grader, so cool that they put him in the 5th grader group–that’s where I first noticed him. He was a rowdy kid. The adults at camp didn’t let us be us. They were nothing like mom. She knew this. I had to sneak away and be myself in the woods. I wandered the woods alone with my ding-a-ling just a danglin’. I liked to feel the crisp forest air on my pre-teen nutsack. I tugged it like dough but it never got hard. My body wasn’t ready for me to be a man yet, as much as I tried. But I didn’t know what I was doing. Walking and pulling on my sack. I walked for miles and miles, yanking myself around till I bumped into Joey doing the same thang. We didn’t run away from one another. We were mad chill about it. We’d got to talking about how much we hated camp, and what we’d do once we got our summer back from our moms. We walked and walked and talked and talked and tugged on our own nut sacks. We couldn’t keep our hands off of our own bodies. Joey wanted to fight me, with one hand on his nutsack. We argued about our trinkets. Joseph had a ring and he said it reflected onto the moon when he tilted it at a certain angle.
One day I caught Joey scribbling graffiti in the bathroom. Pussy is good, it said. He drew a hairy pussy next to it. Joey talked about eating pussy a lot. Hairy pussy. I didn’t believe him. He still had his baby teeth. You only eat your mom’s pussy. You’re just a kid. You don’t even talk to girls, you faggot. I was stroking my dick the whole time I called him a faggot. I thought hypocrite was a sex position.
When we got back to town Joey joined our group and immediately became the dirtiest of all of us. He couldn’t keep the dirty words squirting from his mouth. We’d never heard half of the words he spit up before. I didn’t know what a bastard did. Where did he learn them? He must have had a dad in jail. Joey was a genius. We all looked up to him. Joey started to prank on us. I’d only ever seen my dick and Joey’s dick, and I’d never seen a cock. We’d hang out in the woods fighting and cursing and Joey would sneak up behind one of us bros and yank the pants down. It was a prank! We’d all laugh at their humiliation. They also had small dicks. I wanted to get a cock though. I didn’t know what it was for, but I wanted one.
Joey said he knew how sex worked. I’m talking about fucking. Fucking needs a cock. I’m the youngest guy of us, and I don’t have any pubes but I can still fuck harder than all of you. Nothing comes out but its ok. None of you have a cock. I’ve seen ’em all, I’ve yanked all of your panties down. According to Joey, ya didn’t need pubes to have a cock. He said he had sex with his sixth grade girlfriend. A middle school girl. Yo, we were terrified. That made him cooler than any of us combined. And we were supposed to be the cool kids! We were probably going to start a ska band next year. To get a proper lead against Joey for coolness, to make it plain, as a 5th grader, I’d have to be going steady with an eighth grader. Reguarly meeting up and going to movies and talking on the cell phone. He was so cool. We were lucky to have him pranking us.
When I showered, I tried giving myself a cock. Heh. I was a curious kid. The shower. That’s where I discovered my sticky butthole. The sphincter was stretchy like gum. It was provoking me. This wasn’t crazy…didn’t put any more than a fist up there. It wasn’t a prank. I liked it. But I wouldn’t tell the guys. This was my little secret. I liked buttholes more than cocks I decided. I still wanted a cock though.
The other guys still wanted to tease Joey and take him down a notch so they called him Baby Joseph. He laughed but he was angry, I could see it. His pranks turned violent. He started to kick our balls during our naked fights. That was genius. He was a genius. He was a haymaker. I didn’t like living with fear, but I respected it.
During my one of my fights with Joey I used my butthole to get a cock. His mouth was bigger than his body and I still had strength on him. I flexed and gulped my butthole and tossed him so he landed on his head in the prickly part of the meadow. When he came back over I had my cock. You got a cock dude. Time to use it. Use it to fuck. I didn’t know that my butthole exercises could give me such a cock. Im not gonna fuck you Joey. But my cock gave everyone else a cock. Joey got one too. Just to prove that he wasn’t lying. I can take you all there. I can show you a whole new world. You guys are gonna be in middle school. And you’re still going to be a couple of pussies. We used the language that our moms taught us. We didn’t want to be pussies anymore. I’m not my mama’s boy anymore. I want to be a faggot. I can fuck. Let’s fuck. We can do it.
Girls were kissing each other. The popular girls already kissed in middle school. Joey was kissing girls. Joey had the big idea. We would start by kissing each other. Sometimes I felt a thousands of strings inside of me, all tied to the inside of my butt. When I confronted with a choice that would potentially embarrass me by forcing me to do something that I wasn’t comfy with, it felt like those strings were snagged on a pole as I was being pushed from a skyscraper. It was one way my body made me know that I was feeling anxious.
I didn’t think it would work. We could fuck, but nothing could come out, right? Joey ran his hand down Johnny’s leg. Johnny leaped up and quickly lost his cock. We tried to fuck, but only Joey kept his cock. All of our dicks were cocked out. I turned Robert around but I was still floppy. Robert didn’t want to turn around, and turning him around didn’t make me get hard. Robert wasn’t hard because he was standing his ground. His eyes were defiant. I am not going down. We almost got into a fistfight. Some of us tried to fuck each other, putting their dicks against some butts. I liked being naked with my friends and fighting them, but hurting them with my dick seemed wrong and nothing came out.
I knew that I wasn’t gay because I didn’t fuck my friends when I had the chance. I just couldn’t get hard. All those times I walked in the woods with Joseph and we never got hard. Tugging and massaging ourselves, I really didn’t even know that I could get a cock at the beginning of summer, and now I was thinking about fucking. In class that fall they showed us diagrams of dicks with pubes. I didn’t really have those just yet, but I could get a cock. Science confused me.
They tried to get hard, but couldn’t. It wasn’t gonna work. I tried to get my cock to stay a cock, but it wouldn’t. Mom, I’m not a faggot. I’m not a pussy. What am I? What else can I be?
My mom and Joey’s mom, they were really nice together and they let us play and talk about things while they were in the other room. I told my mom about Joey but made it known we weren’t best friend. We will always care about what you do, and celebrate it. Be open with us please? We would welcome you. The moms told us. They were bein’ coy and shit. It gave us time to plan a big one. And it was perfect because our moms were fooled by the best friend premise. They’d become inseperable. By the end of July, Joey had hatched a plan. We’d all been getting cocked up at the naked wrestling matches. You pussies are finally ready for that real shit.
Joey fucked, it was true. But his cock was still too young. He couldn’t pee at the end. We thought it was pee. What else comes out? The smart kids waited to find out in AP Biology. But us were savages. We were impatient.
Joey’s girlfriend Marissa came thru to one of our naked wrestling matches. She was already in middle school. Us guys hadn’t seen her in a year, which was like almost never seeing her again. We all knew her from gym class. Her face was the same too, except for her braces. Girls bodies were like boys bodies in gym class. Hard and straight. But in middle school girls got softer and boys got harder. Marissa stayed the same. We cared that she was there, and Joey knew it. With our new dicks were becoming cocks quicker now. When Marissa came up, all of our dicks immediately became cocks. It was anxious. Not Joey’s though. He could control his better. Girls were the affliction and fucking was the antidote. The only problem was the vagina.
Marissa’s body was similar in every way but the vagina. And it made us become bervous. I knew my butthole real well. I’d studied it and experimented with it. A dick could fit inside it, easy. A cock might hurt, but it could fit. But a vagina? A vagina was too mysterious, they weren’t dark and mysterious like buttholes. They were sinister underneath that fleshy hood. I didn’t trust it not to have teeth. I remember thinkin’ that fucking her butt would be much safer. I needed to save the cock. We would be in middle school next year! A vagina was a threat. We were all gonna get our hands on her. But I was gonna show everyone what I could do first.
We stripped and did our tournament. Marissa stripped too, but she had complicated straps and strings. Only eighth graders in Biology knew how to unbuckle all of them to get her ready. We got sweaty and got cocks. Only Joey wreslted Marissa. She destroyed him. Her vagina stayed the same. Joey kissed her. So it was true, she was his girlfriend. But Marissa was a beastess.
In the meadow, Marissa punched Joey in the eye. He cursed. Joey would never scream. Then she kicked him in the balls. He went down hard. I yelled out for joy. We all did. Joey was a dick. We were glad to see him go down in embarassment. Maybe Marissa actually fucked Joey. Fucking always hurt one person. Marissa played with Joseph’s balls and laughed the whole time. She was flat and hard all the way around. She was going to try out for the girls soccer team. My butt was bigger than hers, and it would stay big. Hers would stay small. Her vagina would also stay small. They didn’t get big like dicks did. They were different.
Awww! Baby Joseph turned red and blushed. I’m sorry for hurting your balls. I’ll make them better. She made them wet with her mouth, but Baby Joseph didn’t get hard. He layed on the ground and all of his pieces hurt. He was trying to cross his legs and protect his balls and his dick from her mouth, but Marissa pried them open with a smile on her face. Joey’s balls got wet. She flicked his dick like a cat plays with a mouse. This was called emasculation. Was he crying? We’d forgetten that with all his talk, Baby Joseph was still just a witty bitty baby! I jerked my cock. It was all his idea! I couldn’t give him a break though. This is what he derserved, and he was getting more touching from a girl than any of us did. Even though he was just a dumby with a crackhead mom and a dad in jail that loved him very much, it was good that this was happening.
I looked around. We were all jerking our dicks, and we’d formed a circle around Marissa and Joey. Marissa’s mouth was covered in spit and saliva and we were all like, mad scared now. She was more of a beast than we were. Someone needed to be brave and interrupt Marissa, hungrily eyeing the rest of us. She wanted a man who could pee from his cock. Because I could see it, I took it. I walked into the center. I sat on Joey’s face and kissed Marissa on the lips. There were tingles that I’d never felt before. I felt nervous for putting on a show and being loud and taking charge, but there was a vacuum and someone needed to fill it up.
Our kisses were very innocent. Then I felt Joey licking my butthole and leaped up! I’d never felt like that before! I was not used to it. I turned and faced Joey and my big butt was in Marissa’s face. Joey kissed me, and I felt a drop inside of my stomach. Kissing, I realized was tender, and I actually didn’t want to be tender with Joey. At first, when I met him, I felt something special. Like respect. I didn’t believe it to be physical though. But seeing him brutalized by Marissa, made me respect Marissa now. She made me feel weirdly and goodly. I went ahead and tried anyway, cause that is what I thought I had to be doing. That’s when I knew there was a difference. I returned Joey’s kisses because I felt bad for him, and when my cock shriveled into a dick, I thought about Marissa’s butthole, and wanted to have the pleasure of a cock again.
Marissa laughed and kissed my butt and I pushed Joey to the ground. I spun around and now my cock was in Marissa’s face. was warm on my insides. Looking at Joseph never made me swell up. Kissing made me more anxious. It was sloppy. I didn’t want to kiss Joey, he was my friend. I wanted him to leave me alone. I wanted to fuck and become a faggot like Joey said. I wanted to fuck and pee inside Marissa’s butthole. Yup. That’s how I knew I wasn’t gay and didn’t like men. Marissa’s touch soothed me. I wanted to kiss her. But I was still scared of her vagina, and I didn’t want to fuck it. I hit her face with my cock. Her vagina had teeth in it probably, but her mouth had bigger teeth. It was not getting anywhere close to my new cock, which was still a babu in a lotta ways. So I ordered Marissa to show me to her butthole. She was rubbing her vagina and I was confused, but still let her do it.
Joey was mad at me, but my bros kept him from attacking on me. They beat him up hard, not like wrestling. They kicked his nuts and his balls and his face, and they spit on him and used their pee on him. What are brahs for? I stepped up to her and pulled her buttcheeks open. My bros walked around jerking off and peered inside. I pried it apart and Marissa kept playing with her pussy, she moaned a little bit. I did this once before I lied. To the butthole. My butthole. I didn’t need to be so nervous, the other kids were in awe of me. Joseph kneeled down face to face with Marissa’s butthole. It widened when she coughed and I curiously, slowly, gripped the cheek that I was spreadin’ and laid my thumb against her breathing sphincter, then kissed it. I was in love.
I yanked his head back, startled! Ah! Haha! I had gotten some of her wet vagina juices on my chin! And some went into my mouth! I was still a pussy after all. I jerked myself more, then I fucked Marissa’s butthole with my cock. I gripped Marissa’s athlete’s hips and pushed it in. It was so slow that I gyrated my hips to try and work it in. I became hypnotized by the motions, and stared around the field which really psyched me out. The boys were all jerking their cocks at me. Joey was unconscious. I didn’t want to look at them in the eyes. To do so would reveal an intimate part of myself, a private, vulnerable self that I didn’t know that well yet. And to place my self and my cock alongside theirs, to see them as a body with the head of a friend on top, themselves a new and vulnerable blossom of their adult selves gave me the creeps. I didn’t want to feel like I was one of them. I wasn’t a pussy anymore. Now I was a fucking faggot. This was a moment when I became an angel.
Some of us guys got to fucking each other while they waited for me to finish up fucking Marissa. They kissed and they touched but it was fueled by a passion for Marissa’s touch. They thought that Marissa’s hard body would be replaceable, but it wasn’t. Their sexual urn was so full of hormones they had to release it. Some of them fought each other. I had Marissa all to myself. And the boyfriends, after kissing and touching lightly each other’s cocks, turned them to dicks. They needed to jerk it and some of them lost the desire. They liked girls, not guys. The closest they came to fucking was folding their dicks into little balls and trying to smush them into the buttholes of each other. My boys could have used my example, of my butthole, if I wasn’t so busy fucking Marissa. Understanding the butthole and they wouldn’t be wasting their time doing things they’d bottle up and regret later on in middle school. Closing their eyes at night and being reminded of their friend’s pre-teen buttholes…that’s if they stayed friends, which they definitely did not.
As bros and Marissa, we didn’t tell anyone about what we did to each other. We didn’t want the superintendent banging on the door, asking to speak to our moms and dads. They might already know? We weren’t gonna tell anyone, and we weren’t gonna lie either. It was best to continue to live our lives like nothing bad would ever happen to us.
Marissa didn’t know she be butt fucked, but she was a good sport about it. My vagina is made for fucking! Not my butt. Fuck my vagina! But I couldn’t bring myself to fuck it. I had so much to learn, but I was just a kid who was never fucked in the butt himself. Joey would have fucked my butt if I let him. His small dick wouldn’t have hurt. I can’t live in regret all my life, but I do sometimes wonder…
I was firmly in first place as long as I could pee inside of Marissa’s butthole. But when I did it really hurt. I laid in the meadow and fell asleep. My dick was all that was left of my cock. It felt like someone had used it like a salt wheel. I was dazed and alone. Even Baby Joseph was gone. I limped home naked, I didn’t remember where I parked my bike. Every couple thousand steps I grabbed my dick, banging on its door, screaming at it for the location of my cock. I didn’t know how anything worked back then. I was insane.
Mom, I’m a faggot now. I’m not a pussy ever again. What are you doing home? It’s not even August yet! My mom was very encouraging. In my eyes, my mother saw a change. An icy hue of adulthood, my blue eyes fading grey. She didn’t understand at all what we I was talking about, but with her motherly senses knew that I was a new being. A teen? An angel? It was the last time that I would ever tell my mother anything, give her any hint of what I was thinking. She couldn’t forget those frosty eyes. Her baby emerged from his cocoon. A part of her life had ended that moment. I didn’t look into my moms eyes again until the end of high school.
My friends, ex-friends, could have rode it out back to their homes on their bikes, all naked and take a hot shower and finish themselves off in it. They’d get to middle school enough ahead of the rest of our class though. Baby Joseph was pulverized into oblivion. He was alive, but we took him less seriously after that. While I was passed out the boys left him in the meadow and stole his bike, joyrode it into the stinky bog so he would have to walk home. He wasn’t as scary anymore; his words weren’t hypnotizing us boys anymore. We’d forgotten about our brute strength over his. We could break him and we could fuck now. There is more to this story.
Joseph left town the next year. We’d forgotten him by the time he left. We were in middle school. I think his name was Kyle. Last I saw he was climbing on the jungle gym with his red sweatpants on. I was far away, walking back from school in the first weeks of school. Middle school started earlier in the morning, so I saw the kids on the playground playing. I saw him trying to reflect his ring onto the moon. It reflected off the surface of the moon and blinded some kid in China.