Happy Election Day Everyone!

by plermpt

I arrived to my polling station and stood in a line for two minutes before I consulted a chart on the wall that informed me I was in the wrong location.

I entered the identical looking building next door and stood in a line for three minutes, then decided that voting is overrated and walked home. On my way home I decided to try again in the early afternoon when it was less busy. When I returned the line was just as long, snaking out of room with the voter ID stations, and into the hallway. I rolled my eyes and stood on the line for about ten seconds before leaving it and wandering into the room with the voter ID stations. Nobody stopped me. They must have been Green Party voters.

There was a jumble of people grouped around my Election/Assembly District, and I stood there until it thinned and I could see where the line for last name A-M was helped.

I stood behind a pale woman with short, black hair and tattoos on her back and shoulders. Judging by her appearance, she was a Clinton fangirl since 2008. She fanned herself with a voter registration form. The coordinator was a 61 y/o black woman with a grumpy face. We all looked like sheep to her.

“You hot?” the coordinator asked.

“Oh, I’m always hot,” the pale woman responded.

“How old are you?”

“How old am I?” she hesitated. “Well…I’m 38.”

“I’ve been having flashes since I was 31,” smiled the coordinator. “How many kids you have?”

“Kids?!” laughed the white woman. “None! I have two cats! That’s enough mouths to feed.”

“You’ve got to have one baby…”

“No, my mother told me one was too many….I took her advice.”

The white liberal. An endangered species in one generation’s time.

When it was my turn with the coordinator I asked if I needed to stand in the line for the voter privacy booth or if I could, “fill it out where I stood.” She told me I could fill it out wherever I wanted, and to use the BMD (Ballot Marking Device) if I “didn’t want to touch shit.”

As some people stood on a line to vote, I sat on a stool, fed my ballot into the BMD and touched a dirty screen instead of using a pen. When I was done I gave my ballot to the counting machine and walked past a long line of people that hadn’t budged.

I didn’t get an ‘I Voted’ sticker because voting isn’t anything to brag about. It is a right that every citizen has, regardless if they know everything about American history and economics, or are a useful idiot that votes for genitalia. It’s really easy and therefore not impressive. Is it meant to remind non-voters to vote on Election Day? Non-voters are too busy and important to worry about politics and they know it. Voting is a waste of time, and time is money. That sticker is worthless because everyone that votes gets one for free, and everyone that doesn’t vote doesn’t want a sticker.

As good citizens and useful idiots, all we can do is believe the lies of the politicians and vote along party lines. But my wonderful party is in decline, and therefore the future of our great country is doom because of beliefs like “change” and “hope.”

Election Day is perfect for useful idiots; they can exercise their political power in the easiest way available and still feel like they’ve accomplished something and “changed” something by posting a selfie. (Consider this post as the equivalent to the “I Voted” selfie.)

But “change” is trite, even for an idiot. And it doesn’t occur in a 4-8 year spurt; our country has been changing for 80 years, and the outcome of this election will continue the demise of what our great country was built upon because Hillary Clinton will appoint Elizabeth Warren to the Supreme Court.

So whether it’s Trump supporters believing in the silent majority, or Hillary supporters believing that she will do a different job that George W. Bush, every voter is fooling themselves. It’s better to believe in aliens.