this is the perfect place to get jumped

Month: August, 2016

We Did It.


For weeks we came together as one, took time away from our jobs and our families, and put our minds to work. You should have seen us! We worked like dogs!

We were under tremendous pressure to succeed, and it was not always likely that we would. Sometimes we fought. We had many hurdles to overcome. But we never questioned our moral intentions, and it all paid off in the end because Bruce is dead.

Nobody liked him. We can’t really say why, we all had our different reasons. For one, his face was really annoying to look at, and his voice was really annoying to overhear. Even at the periphery of our lives, Bruce was an unwelcome presence. We needed to help ourselves at the cost of Bruce’s life. It’s not like Bruce could have helped how his face negatively affected our senses, but that was Bruce’s problem, not ours. Together, we found a solution to Bruce’s problem.

We found each other in different ways. There was never an obvious leader. Nobody knew anyone else from their regularly scheduled lives. We had nothing in common but the same goal, and everyone played a part, no matter how small. Our plan would not have been possible if any of us acted alone, even for a moment.

I am proud to have been an integral part of this scheme. The paper trail, despite it implicating and eventually convicting us, is something to behold with wonder and awe. That being said, it is tragic oversight that such ambition was held against us, and that no one in our group thought about the consequences of being too methodical.

I never say the word ‘murder’ in my portion of our exhausting paper trail. I was completely technical. But that does not matter. I don’t need to say the word murder to be implicated in one. We wanted Bruce dead, which is not illegal; but the specific way we carried it out was.

We should have killed Bruce within the confines of the law. Here are a few loopholes that I can think of while I sit here and wait.

We could have coerced Bruce into enlisting in the army. First befriended him, then pressured him. If we weren’t who we were and we didn’t know each other the way that we do we could have met Bruce at a younger age; he could have fallen into our crowd. He would have been easier to pressure. After graduation we could have said, “We are all going to join the army together! Are you in Bruce? Are you one of us guys or not?” (We would have winked maniacally to one another.) Our paper trail would have been nebulous. Our words fading as they are spoken, but the ideas resting safely inside all of our minds….

Once in the war, we await chaos, then one of us could have killed Bruce and blamed it on friendly fire. We would all know it was a true murder, but the evidence would have made it look like an accident. And where would the evidence be for an alternative? What motive would we have had to kill Bruce anyway? It wouldn’t make any sense! But that scheme takes too long.

None of us really knew Bruce at all. We kept our distance because of his face. But if we did know him, we could have bullied him in the hopes that he would kill himself. We wouldn’t be held accountable that way because he would have murdered himself! There might have been a diary explaining why he killed himself, but with our logistical acumen, we’d make the diary disappear.

In reality, we just couldn’t stand the thought of engaging with Bruce in any way other than hiring a third party to kill him.

We could have aborted Bruce. Convinced his mother that she is would be unfit. That she should consider her own life, and should wait until the time is more right for her. Besides, Bruce might be retarded, or even worse, poor.

We could have orchestrated a way to kill Bruce in self defense. Stage a home invasion? Or better yet, frame him for a murder! But we wanted Bruce dead sooner than later. Even in a place with the death penalty, it could take years for Bruce to die. We just couldn’t afford wait that long. We were antsy.

If we took him to a messy place without a justice system, and hoped that he is kidnapped and then killed, we’d have to hire proxies to accompany him, which might put innocent lives in danger. It also wouldn’t guarantee that he was killed. We can assume so, but we’d rather know for sure he was dead, and our method was the best method for the type of closure we demanded.

But the biggest problem with these other methods of killing Bruce is that they are logistically harder to accomplish. They rely too heavily on someone else’s choice. What if we fail to convince them to make choices that would benefit us? Ultimately, it was much easier for us to make a collective choice and kill Bruce on our own terms than to be conniving and subliminally penetrate someone else’s mind.

The Lord says ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill.’ But killing is definitely different than murder. Killing might happen in an instant without any premeditated thought. It might need to happen to defend oneself from an attacker. What if Bruce tried to steal my favorite goat! The law can’t account for everything.

Not all killing is murder. But what we did was actually murder. I weighed our options way after the fact, but murder is still the best option for us.

Ironically, now we might be killed for our murder of Bruce. But our killing is not murder. When the law premeditates a killing, it is lawful because the law has ruled it to be, based on the facts presented.It is just that we are killed, because we have murdered Bruce.

But what would God think? How would God rule?  Was Bruce’s death worth mine? Ah well, you know what we say…”Foresight is never 20/20″

ronnie radke

selected gifs are some of my favorites from falling in reverse‘s angry thrashsterpiece ‘alone.’


true love trumps irony. a plain blog cannot contain my overflowing chalice of emotion for ronnie, which deserves investigation in the form of a novel.