i have a bag of heels for sale

by plermpt

and i also have a dusty dvd player for sale. does anybody want it?

we finally threw out my mom’s cousin’s brown heirloom futon bc the cat was hiding turds in the pocket where the mattress slumped against the wooden frame and found some dusty crap beneath it that you might want to buy from me if ur interested

as i was staring at the dusty box fan that nobody ever wanted to let blow on them bc u can feel/smell/imagine the flakes from other people hitting your lips and eyes i thought idk maybe somebody wants to buy that?

i’m really no good at this salesman’s grift but figured i’d half-ass an effort to scrounge up some extra dollars for a ticket to mexico city. the round trip flight to mexico city is waiting for me to purchase it in the other tab. i have the seats all picked out.

the box fan works great btw. it just needs to be cleaned if u are cool with touching it. there was a philip’s head screwdriver under the futon that i will include w purchase of the box fan. i can also give u a paper towel to wipe it down before u touch it free of charge

im sitting next to a regular fan in the corner as i write this, and it wasn’t found under the futon the cat was peeing on while we were at work, and its not as dusty as the box fan, but its also for s20150403_152050ale.

there are blankets too: an afghan, a quilt, something that looked like a golden throw rug with a satin underbelly that i was using as a coffee table cover until the cat knocked soy sauce all over it. its in the trash but i can fish it out if u want. it still “works” it just has a soy sauce stain on it and it also smells like soy sauce.

some soy sauce spilled on my hat too but that hat is not for sale bc i actually bought it and still want it.

-there’s also a fully inflated wheel for a road bike that maybe u want? besides the lock it was the only piece remaining when the bike before my last bike was stolen was stolen. karma is a hoax but the guy at the shop forgot to charge me for it when he put it on for me. not saying i deserved to be robbed bc i didn’t remind him to charge me, but i didn’t buy it, and i don’t need it, which is why its for sale.

i didn’t buy any of this crap. some of it was here when i moved in. most of it was under the piss and wine soaked futon we finally decided to toss out. this is just a last minute attempt for some last minute money to fund my trip to mexico city.

-the dusty ps2 comes with a controller. if u want it i heard shadow of the colossus is a great game.

20150403_152030-there’s also a shovel my friend left behind and he wont be back for a while and by the time he comes back he will have forgotten about it and if he hasnt ill just lie and say idk where it went r u sure u left a shovel here u kno its july right

-and a dusty cat bag for when u take ur cat to get spayed/neutered at the aspca van. its like a wedding dress bc youll only use it once but think of the memories

our cat came in this bag and when i put him back on the street i wont need this bag bc the street will be his home now

-a painting that my adult cousin painted last year at her coworker’s kid’s bday party. it is amateur’s effort, but i think she did a great first job. $250

20150403_153945i have a stack of old magazines that i would throw out unless you’d want them otherwise…?? stack includes peachfuzz magazine, lucky peach, vice, vanity fair etc. might be a picture book about trees in there too. MUST TAKE ENTIRE STACK

let me stress that i am not a terrible salesman bc i am not a salesman at all. im a guy sitting on a couch alone looking around the room. im sorry if u don’t want to buy this stuff but that is not my problem. my problem is getting to mexico by july 4th. the futon used to be a problem but its on the curb (i’ll make a separate curb alert post for that) and now the cat is a problem but ill make a separate post for that too.if u think there might be some cute heels in this grab bag, pm me ur address and i can meet u. (the shovel would make a nice addition for the heels, just sayin’) i let my roommate dig through the bag when i wasn’t home and she took three pairs and gave two back bc they didn’t fit, but she’s got the taste of an interior designer and a bank account to match. she didn’t have to take those heels but they were cute, so the odds are in your favor that you’ll also find something cute.

i have some scarfs too btw.