my 2nd banned Yelp review

by plermpt

all YELP reviews are biased in favor of the reviewer, but, according to their rigorous guidelines, it is only the reviews that “appear” to be written by disgruntled ex-employees that deserve to be banned. (my integrity has no limits; i admit my bias before i admit that i “worked” at mominette.) if i was an actual employee, i can promise i would have written a scathing diatribe on YELP holds itself in too high a regard.

as always, please decide for yourself:

“Hi Jonathan,

We wanted to let you know that we’ve removed your review of Mominette. Our Support team has determined that it falls outside our Content Guidelines ( because it appears you were an employee of the business you reviewed.

We hope you will continue to participate on Yelp while keeping our Content Guidelines in mind.

Removed Content:

‘my bias began two years ago when i wasn’t hired after working through a five hour brunch shift on a snowy st. patrick’s day. i was paid thirty dollars cash, an order of eggs benedict, bottomless coffee and some special habanero taquitos that the bored chefs made without solicitation, piling them onto a plate and urging me to “eat more” every time i passed it.

when management informed me one week later via lengthy, apologetic text that they “couldn’t fit me on the schedule” i spitefully avoided the place, which proved difficult because i live around the corner, and all of my roommates had begun flings with the bartenders.

ashley became addicted to momi’s vegetable lasagna and i accompanied her on these drunken dinners, sipping tap water as she hit on the bartender with the ponytail, who offered us free desserts for being sexy/loyal customers.

as management shifted from the brittle haired douche with the phony accent and a new girlfriend every week to the bald french men who spent last wednesday night in my living room playing my records at 3am as ashley sobbed and listed the worst qualities of her ex-bf, my irritation with momi softened.

mollica invited me to dinner in our hood, and texted me from his seat at mominette, which prompted my involuntary groan both because of my bias, and because he didn’t give me a chance to select another option. i arrived late and ordered only after mollica and adam both received their pork chop and burger, respectively. i talked and ordered the duck hash while mollica ate and listened. (silence is always an indicator of enjoyment.) adam engaged me in conversation and at the end of the meal admitted that his burger “wasn’t anything special.”

when the waiter took my order for duck hash he warned me that it was “very light.” i appreciated his honesty, although i assumed as much because it is listed under appetizers. i informed him that i didn’t mind it’s lightness so long as it was delicious.

my duck hash arrived in a the shape of a can of pinto beans, with a circular, organic fried egg sitting at its apex. because the duck came shredded (the same shape as lo mein beef) the texture of the bird’s flesh was lost on me. I did feel some of the ends of the duck shreds were crisp, but the mash of potato that served as the bed for the duck was overwhelming. the darkness of the dining room also capped my ability to savor everything, since i couldn’t see what i was eating, and my phone died mid-photo. it’s a superficial criticism to ask for more meat but i love to eat ducks and could have used a few more shreds tbh.

only a bone remained on mollica’s empty plate. he owes me $5 bc momi doesn’t accept credit cards (its written in tiny print at the bottom of the menu).’