this is the perfect place to get jumped

Month: November, 2014

just some quick thanks

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i want to thank everything that i do not have yet, and every agency (be it government, non-prof, private, or ngo) that tries to keep what i don’t have yet away from me because i am motivated by the hurdles, and plan to fight the good fight until i die in the street with my finger on the trigger and a burning cigarette between my lips.

i also want to thank everyone and everything that is doing their/its part to spread truth, disrupt the status quo, and open minds because we are living in the age of enlightenment and are getting serious about change, which is great.

finally, i want to thank everyone that is trying something new, no matter how small.

June 13, 2014

after when nobody returned my calls i walked to my deli on my corner and bought two loosies,

then stood by the smelly pay phone where the homeless loiter with strollers of useful refuse.

and like a thousand other unremarkable times i lit my first cig with my eyes facing the sidewalk,

but unlike every other time this time when i lifted my eyes i saw her walking in my direction

with a new man.

 

often times i think i see her everywhere, and when i think i see her it takes me one second to realize

that is not her chin, or that her eyes are bigger, or that her hair is sleeker, or her cheeks paler;

so in the one second when it looks like her and i feel something immense inside of me,

in the same second when it isn’t her i feel an emotional void so i slap my face and i take a deep breath,

but this was no drill.

 

so in the second i experienced this material form of utter regret approaching my corner

i ducked across the street and sought cover in the boisterous, drunken crowd in front of the bar,

where i smoldered and watched him put his arm around her which i should have done more often,

and walk up the street with her as she scanned the streets in my direction

because she saw me too.

 

and from behind that black cargo van my crouch transitioned into a glide and i stalked her up the street

without hesitation because i didn’t yet want her to leave my sight because i knew that when this moment ended

i was going to hurt all the same.

 

i peered from between parked cars as an unwelcome audience of one for those three minutes that i followed

her up the street, and when my giggle suddenly became a tearful reminder of my happiest times i kept a distance.

when she turned the corner onto the street she moved to when we stopped talking i quickened my pace,

and caught the corner in time to see their combined silhouettes surrounded by a tangled border of dark branches

before they disappeared into their house.

 

everybody who heard my story was unsettled by my behavior but fuck them i have no regrets about stalking her,

only regrets about how i treated her, and nobody will ever give me what she gave me; she is the only person

who would expect no less than for me to follow her and understand that i did it because

i still love her.

 

 

the past three weeks

current 93 discography

tavi gevinson

porkin’s policy radio

http://porkinspolicyreview.wordpress.com/

ryan dawson

taylor swift (again)

bologna on white bread with mayo and cheese product

nanowrimo

susan sontag

red wine for breakfast

the CIA is evil

burger king vs mcdonald’s nuggets (far from parity)

KTK draft 4-3-2-2

MoMA film screenings

http://www.youtube.com/countrychefbeerboy93

tindr/grinder

the perfect breast stroke

sober living/almost no carb life

C A R L

the long awaited C A R L doc is here.

(its ok if u don’t get it bc it was made for me mostly, and a little for chris but mostly for me)