just an idea

i wasn’t sure if i should be talking about this out loud, but i reconsidered because it’s selfish to hoard good ideas. the conception of this scheme has made me feel like a pioneer of pick up; keeping it all to myself would not enable this tactic to achieve the results that i think it is capable, as it requires nothing more from its user than a teeny, tiny white lie, which is probably the basis of every pua’s repertoire anyway.

because i believe in a payoff i’ve chosen not to divulge this approach until the very end of the piece, and chosen to occupy the space between now and then with some exposition:

a friend, (who will remain unnamed) has reluctantly entered into an open relationship with his girlfriend for reasons that will also remain private. open relationships have been recognized since the 70s, but whether or not they “work” as a “relationship” is dependent on the couple’s personal issues with jealousy. if a functioning monogamous relationship is contingent on the trust that monogamy is upheld despite the regular chance for cheating that occurs every time the partner leaves the apartment to be an independent person in an Alpha++ city then what type of contract exists between two people that does not require similar levels of commitment? there is nothing at stake, nothing to work on, nothing to fight for or believe in because in the place of the freedom inspired by happy singles emerges an unspoken competition between the couple: who can fuck more people? a relationship is about making the impossible (permanent, lifelong love) work regardless of the odds, and when a relationship cracks open, it means that the odds have won, but the couple doesn’t want to admit it yet. thus, the relationship dissolves slowly and painstakingly as one half of the couple has consistently more success than the other, therefore inspiring dejection, anger, jealousy etc. maybe a couple that can physically share its individual conquests in a cuckold fetish or threesome scenario can make it work, or two working porn stars that rank spiritual love as more intimate than the lovemaking they perform as profession, but these are the exceptions.

that being said, my friend has used his unfortunate situation to an unexpected advantage, almost reaching parity with his gf: he can be counted on to bring his sad relationship to the surface of every conversation whenever we meet new girls, and every time he receives the same pity hugs and cheek pecks and phone numbers. i do not want to undercut my friend’s ability to make women laugh, feel comfortable etc. but these girls seem to have an immediate attraction to him because he is both available and unavailable; he is half single, half capable of a loving relationship. he is an anomaly, and because he is reluctant to be in this unique position he is also cute, charming, sensitive. the human mind is ravenous for a desire that is out of reach on a pedestal, but in this case the mind can still feel the pleasure of the craving atop a pedestal and also feel that it is within reach, but not necessarily needing to prove anything.

so, the next time you talk to a girl in a bar, or while visiting payroll, sneak in an elegy for your relationship. mention how resistant you were, how much you wanted it work between you, and how much you care for him.

i know this seems counter intuitive, but not if you make it clear that this is your “first real boyfriend“, and you were “just taking a break from girls for a while.” you could say, “I’m curious about girls again, it’s been a while since I’ve been with a girl.” (this might actually be true, even if the context you state it in is false, making it easier to embellish for those with small imaginations.) the bi-sexual male is a mythical beast, since being bi-sexual is normally a construct used for closeted men. watch the girls’ eyes light up with a mission: to prove their sexual worth to a bi-sexual man who has forgotten about women because men were more fun.

like all pick up techniques this will not work every time; just be confident and earnest, and if the moment is right (you’re both drunk enough and it’s late enough) it will probably work on somebody. just keep in mind that these are not magic words, and can not hypnotize women into sleeping with an otherwise boring person, so don’t treat these like blueprints when lying about your sexuality.

if you are like me, and are the kind of person that broadcasts his weird schemes as they take place, thereby undermining them, kiss a man on the lips once to make yourself feel confident enough to lie about it.