I Want to Cum
whenever I look at this photo of Taylor Swift sitting:
or this dreamy photo of 23 y/o Joseph Stalin:
A photo doesn’t need to be erotic to make me want to cum. This Taylor Swift photo isn’t erotic; her mouth isn’t full, she’s not licking anything, and she’s not spooning or spreading or arching or bending or throbbing; her legs are crossed and she is fully clothed. Red is the whore’s color, which may subconsciously make me think about cumming, but wanting to cum is a conscious effort. Taylor is classy, in a post-brunch way: dainty hands in a pose where a cigarette is appropriate, yet strangely absent. These unlikely details make me want to cum. That natural plump and pout of Taylor’s lips are likely the cause of the bulk of my arousal, alongside her too cute bunny teeth. The soft, late afternoon light of early summer accentuates her frail neck and collar bones, which can be broken by the flimsy grip of my pointer finger and thumb. Any ocular seduction is shrouded behind dark glass; not typical of a Taylor Swift photo. There are thousands of pictures of the scrawny Taylor Swift sitting. However, this picture doesn’t make me want to fuck Taylor Swift, it makes me want to cum. I believe that is where love originates….cum is evident of the physicality of love.
The claim for the photo of the notoriously scrawny Taylor Swift in making a heterosexual man want to cum is a believable one. Unbelievable is my claim of cummance from the portrait of an unexpectedly handsome young dictator, so let me end the debate: Genocide does not inspire me to cum; I thought I already knew every hot, young dictator. Ceausescu, Gaddafi, Basher Al-Assad. Only delusional assholes will disagree with the glossy volume of Stalin’s locks and depth of his reflecting pools. I’m confident that The Great Purge eliminated Stalin’s wrinkles, yet even dictators can die of old age….What really makes me cum? Whenever my assumptions are eviscerated by a new truth.
The more I look at these photos, the less I want to cum. Thus commences the time in the love life of a photo when I must go crate digging for other sources of cum inspiration. No doubt I will post my findings here. Tonight’s exercise: After you get home from work (but before you relax) look for a picture of an inanimate object that inspires you to cum.