impressions: week one

by plermpt

I am the worst of four production assistants. My credibility has been shrinking since before we arrived on set, when I was ten minutes late for my very first wardrobe pickup. However, I believe that so long as I exceed the other assistants with an overly joyful, appropriately jocular attitude and offer complete surrender to the project, my unembellished flubs can be absolved:

  • On the day before pre-production I received a call from the locations manager, Eliav:

“We have to talk.”

“Sure, about what?”

“Did you try and use the bathroom at location X?”

“Yes I knocked on the door and asked if I could use it. They said no.”

“Ok, well that cost us $1000.”

  • On the day of pre-production I am tasked with driving a cube truck to pick up sound equipment, the make-up kit, crafty and expendables. I meet the intern at the lot and introduce myself by telling her how I have already cost the production $1000. Within an hour I ripped off the side view mirror of a cab as I tried to squeeze past an oncoming truck, costing production anther $300.
  • On the first day of production I am locking up in the library of the abandoned mansion and pick up a poetry book to read. Later that day, one of the art guys notices me reading it and informs me that it is a key prop. Within minutes the angry prop master tells me that people know I did this, and on any other set I would have been fired immediately.

So many oops with fourteen full shooting days to go….

Although I did not need to interview or provide a resume to earn this position does not make it menial. I was hired under the impression that I was alert, prescient and observant, which I have learned after a week full of stupid questions are skills, not traits.

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