“I’ll Fuck You”
I haven’t played soccer since high school, yet I’ve dreamed about it several times:
The field is a disadvantageous slope for my opponent, whose net is at the bottom of a grassy hill. My brother is half back, and I am offense, but the pressure of my position is too much to bear, and I cannot score a single goal. There have been many attempts, but I always shoot to high or too far. Meanwhile, they have two goals on us. We should be winning, but it remains my fault we are not because I can’t score.
To make matters worse, their goalkeeper is an ugly bully. His face is mostly forehead and his mouth is mostly gum, and he snarls and taunts me upon every failure.
In desperation I call out to him, and offer to fuck him if he’ll let me have even one goal.